The Renji Clone Fiasco
by x-YaoiWolf-x
Summary: This is what happens when you put two incredibly psychotic authors in a classroom, call it study hall, and leave them with nothing to do. Get ready for a world of absolute Crack and boredom induced experiences as you read through this fanfic. Note: This story could inavertantly cause the urge to laugh histerically or run screaming. Caution is advised. Rated T just in case. Enjoy!


**AN: **Alright! So this here is nothing but CRACK! Bleach-style! Something like a collab between myself and the Wonderful and Amazing and undeniably psychotic Hades aka Supergirlofsteel~ aka Stephie! _Italicized_ words/phrases/sentences/paragraphs are what She wrote. Anything not italicized is mine! This was originally written in pencil on paper so any references to 'pages' are obviously because of that. Now, on with the show... thing, or whatever! -smoke bomb!-

**The Renji Clone Fiasco _...or so it seems_**  
by: Steph 'n' Stephie

_One _dark _evening _in _Soul Society, _the _captains _gathered _together_ in _the _13th Company _barracks, _discussing _the _weather. _They _complained _that _their _socks _weren't _tight _enough _and _their _vertebrae _ached.

_Kenpachi _growled, _"When _can _I _eat _Ukitake?"_

"Never," _Kyoraku _shot _Kenpachi's _foot. _"Ukitake's _Mine!"

"_Shut _the _hell _gate _before _that _monkey, _Renji, _throws _a _ficus _in," _Yamamoto _suddenly _shrieked, _interrupting _Renji's _tantrum.

"_Yes, _grandpa," _Soi-fon _muttered _as _she _rotated _the _carpet. _He _slapped _Renji _with _reiatsu _rainbows. _Clapping, _Komumaru _stood _on _tip-toe. _"What _are _we_ gonna _do _with _all _these _Renjis?"_

They _all _shrugged. _"Mayuri!"_

_Mayuri _glanced _at _them. _"I _don't _expect _they'll _clone _anymore. _That _shouldn't _make _this _difficult _to _take _care _of."_

"oh sure," _Kenpachi _roared. _"There _happen _to _be _six _hundred _Renji _clones _hugging _throughout _Seireitei!"_

"Hey!" _Renji _stomped _on _one_ colon _sized _sparkplug. _"MY _spoon's _been _licked!"_

"Chill, _Renji," _Ichigo _popped _into _existence._

"gah!" _Another _Renji g_nawed _his _mullet. _"Oooookaaay?"

_Yamamoto _sighed _lovingly. _"dismissed."

_As _quickly _as _possible, _they _were _cartwheeling _away.

_Meanwhile, _Byakuya _and _Toshiro _were _trying _to _keep _Mayuri's _cloned _Renjis _out _of _trouble. _They _had _shut _the _clones _in _the _1st Company barracks.

"_No! _Let _that _Renji _out!" _Rukia _shouted. _Byakuya _booted _her _from _the _barracks. _"But nii-san! That's _not _a clone!"

_The real Renji _listened _from _amongst _his _numerous _clones. _"Taicho! _Over _heeeeere!"

_Toshiro _blinked. _Swinging _around, _he _looked _and _spotted _the _waving _Renji. _"huh?"

"_**GET ME OUT!**"_

Byakuya _heard_ the _yell_. "Hitsugaya, _can _you _fish_ that _fool_ out?"

_Toshiro _rolled_ his _eyes_. "I'm _not_ a fisherman."_

Byakuya sighed. _"Then just leave him."_

"Alright."

_Rukia _gaped. _Then _'BLAST'! _A Renji clone exploded._

"Dammit!" _The real Renji _hissed. _He _was _dripping _with _clone juice._

"ewww," _Rukia _sneered. _"Gross." _Ichigo popped into existence, nodding. _The Renji clone _regenerated. _The real Renji _gawked. _The clone Renji _laughed maniacally, _stuffing _cheddar flavored ruffles _into the real Renji's open mouth. "MUNCH MUNCH!" _The real Renji _got an allergic reaction. _"gah!"

_Meanwhile, _Toshiro _kicked _more _riceballs _to _the clone Renjis _(and the real Renji as well). "_The others better herd the rest of them. They cause more damage than arrancars!"_

"Tch," _Byakuya _scoffed. _"The _others _can _go _swimming!"_

"Uuuuuh huh," _Toshiro _rolled his eyes. _"But what about the Renji clones?"_

"Kill them."

"_No!" _Rukia _fainted. _The real Renji _exploded. _(figuratively).

"The hell?!"

_Toshiro _sighed. _"Let's _just _calm _them _with _kittens."

_Byakuya chucked a kitten at a Renji clone, knocking him out._

"Kitten!" the Renji clones all exclaimed excitedly. _They ate it with a basketball._

"No! Bad clone!" the real Renji scolded. _They ate him, too. _Byakuya executed the binding spell he always does, on all the Renji clones and the traumatized real Renji and kitten.

"_Whaaaaaaaaaah..!" All the Renji clones began to cry._

"Ha!" ichigo popped into existence. _Then he popped back out. _

Toshiro held in a laugh. _"We are SO out of character."_

Byakuya nodded. "Agreed." _Then he began to moonwalk and sing Thriller._

Toshiro sweatdropped. _"Oh my." _Suddenly Rukia joined in. _All the Renji clones began to hum along._

"'cause it's a thrilleeeeeeer..."

_Byakuya hooked his arm around Toshiro's neck (by bending down reeeeeeeally far)._

"_... Thriller Night!"_

"How unsightly," yumichika suddenly came onto the scene. _Toshiro was dragged along as Byakuya strutted his stuff._

"_'cause it's a thrilleeeeeeeeeeeer! Thiller night!"_

"join us, chika, join us," Rukia called, grabbing yumichika and dragging him along. _Yumichika joined in, pressing close to Rukia and Byakuya with Toshiro trapped between them, to finish off the chorus._

"_'cause it's a thirlleeeeeeeeer! Thriller night!"_

Little did they know, an amused Kyoraku and Ukitake were hidden in the bushes recording the whole display.

_Finally, unable to hold back the hidden passion burning within his soul, Toshiro burst forward onto his knees with the last note of the song ringing off the barrack's interior._

"_Cause it's a Killer, Thriller toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiight!" It faded out._

Two loud, distinct laughs echoed from the bushes.

_Byakuya, Rukia, Yumichika, and Toshiro, disheveled from the effort of dancing and singing with all their hearts, looked toward the laughter in surprise._

"Oops," Ukitake laughed as he stood up with Kyoraku.

_A Renji Clone smiled. "Ice Cream!" _

Byakuya raised an eyebrow. "My assistant is an idiot," he commented dryly.

"_That's a clone!" The real Renji called out defensively from somewhere among the hundred others._

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree," the 6th captain grinned. The rest of them laughed at the hundreds of offended expressions on all the identical Renji faces. _Then Byakuya fell to the ground, laughing and laughing long after the others had quieted. _His laughs rang into the night.

Meanwhile, _Soi-fon tripped on a pothole. _"Ah!" she exclaimed, followed almost immediately by an 'ugh' as yoruichi tripped on the same pothole and landed on top of her. _Soi-fon was happy. _'yoruichi-sama,' she thought dreamily.

_Kenpachi accidentally stepped on them. "Whoopsie." _He kept walking.

Meanwhile... Byakuya continued to laugh.

_Rukia pointed at the smiling Ukitake and Kyoraku. "What are you holding? What was so funny?" _Kyoraku choked on a laugh. Ukitake grinned evilly.

_Ukitake held up his video camera. "This is going on my blog." _

Rukia's eyes widened, sparkling. "You have a blog?!"

_Ukitake shined. "I invented_ _the blog." _Kyoraku laughed.

"It's true! I was there," Byakuya assured. _He belched up a fish._

"Fiiiiish!" the Renji clones chorused. The real Renji groaned.

_Toshiro raised a trembling finger. "H-how much did you film?"_

_Ukitake's evil smile darkened and a roll of thunder flickered the lights. "**Everything!**"_

"That was SO random," Kyoraku drawled.

"Nii-sama?" Rukia stared. "Are you..."

"Captain? Where'd you get so much sake?" the real Renji inquired.

"_RIGHT HERE!" Ichigo popped into existence, dumped sake bottles on the floor from his pants, and then popped back out._

"Eggs... Eggs, Eggsactly!" Byakuya confirmed.

_Toshiro snatched the video camera away from Ukitake. "This is going to die here and now."_

"Noooooooooo!" Ukitake fell to his knees, hand reaching for the device. (He's still as tall as Toshi) _(that's sad)_

_Toshiro kept him at bay with a foot on his forehead as he opened the video camera and pulled out the tape. "Goodbye, evidence!"_

Suddenly, the tape vanished. Toshiro blinked. About 12 feet away stood Kisuke Urahara, tape in hand. "Ooh, what's this?"

_Suddenly, the tape vanished. Urahara blinked. About 15 feet away stood Toshiro, tape in hand. "None of your business."_

Ichigo popped into existence, stealing the tape and distancing himself from Toshiro. "A tape of them dancing!" he answered Urahara.

_Toshiro stole the tape back. "I don't believe in you, Kurosaki!" Ichigo vanished. _All the Renji clones' eyes widened.

"Let's play keep away!" Urahara yelled to them.

"_Let's not," Toshiro snapped, drawing his sword to end all evidence against him._

'BAM' a shot echoed through the night. "Enough!" Kyoraku sighed, walking calmly to Toshiro and plucking the tape from his hands. With a 'poof' the tape disappeared.

_And then the night sky became an enormous television. Byakuya, shot in high-def, began to dance an sing Thriller among the stars._

"Noooooooooooo!" Toshiro fell to his knees in utter embarrassment.

_They crowded around him. "He's going to do the finale again!" _Toshiro gaped at their stupidity.

"Uh, no, I'm NOT," he stated bluntly.

_In the sky, Rukia joined in with Byakuya. Everyone in soul society began to hum along._

Meanwhile, in some other part of soul society.

"Hear that?"

_Captain-commander Yamamoto looked up at Komumaru's comment. "Look at that... Byakuya is dragging Hitsugaya around in the sky..."_

"So he is, so he is," a random Renji clone suddenly commented.

_Yamamoto gave him a stick. The Renji clone belched up a fish._

_Meanwhile... _the arrancars were watching the disturbing display in flip version on the other side of the sky.

_Aizen watched wide-eyed alongside his evil arrancar co-conspirators as Byakuya, Rukia, and Yumichika pressed Toshiro between them to finish up Thriller. _"Intriguing."

Grimmjow's jaw dropped when his 'mini-me' suddenly dropped to his knees and the ending phrase of Thriller rang into the night.

"_cause it's a killer, thriller toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiight!"_

_Jaws dropped in soul society that night._

"Please tell me you got that, Ulquiorra," Gin said through his laughs. Ulquiorra nodded, speechless.

_Meanwhile... Toshiro's voice carried the last note over Seireitei, ringing off every building and stair and the gaping jaws of it's occupants._

Ichigo popped into existence. "We've somehow deviated from the main plot."

"_Shut up, Kurosaki!" Toshiro said through his hands as he crouched down in a fetal position. "I don't believe in you!" Ichigo disappeared._

"It's alright, shiro-kun," Ukitake knelt beside Toshiro and lifted his head, gazing into his soulful eyes. _Then he began to pull useless crap and sugary candy from his sleeves and loaded them into Toshiro's arms. "Here you go."_

Toshiro gaped.

_Mayuri ran in like the psycho he is, with the others close behind, leading the loose Renji clones into the 1st barracks to bind them to the others._

"Oh hell no!" the real Renji groaned. "Ruuuuun!" The hundreds of Renji clones scattered like ants in rain.

"_Quick, Hitsugaya!" Mayuri hauled the devastated Captain to his feet. "Do that Thriller finale again. It's the only thing that can stop them!"_

"No!" he shinpo'd away. "Leave me alone!"

_Byakuya, stumbling to his feet and strumming his ukulele, hooked his elbow around Toshiro's neck and began to moonwalk and sing the Thriller._

Toshiro thrashed. "I hate you all!" he burst into tears and disappeared.

_Silence. "Well that_ _was out of character," said Kenpachi, rising up from the ground and flying with his little snowy wings and shiny halo. "I love you aaaaaaaall~!" He wore only cupid's diaper._

Nothing could describe the horror that scarred the minds of everyone present as they stood speechless at the traumatizing sight. "My eeeeeyeeeeessss!" a few Renji clones screamed. Rukia fainted.

"I am thoroughly disturbed," Byakuya stated calmly.

"Scarred for life," Kyoraku nodded.

_Ukitake threw up a fish. _"ewww," the Renji clones chorused.

_Mayuri drew his creepy psycho sword. "Renji clones, get over there with the others!" (notice he's not affected)_

"No!" they screamed, running around and away in different directions.

_Ichigo popped into existence, fell on his knees, and sang. "'cause it's a killer, thriller toniiiiiiiiiight!"_

_The Renji clones turned cannibalistic. _They all charged the unsuspecting Momo (because she's stupid like that). _They ate her raw._

_Mayuri kicked ichigo in the face causing one of his infamous head wounds. "Idiot! Each Thriller finale by a different person has a different effect!"_

"Really?" Ukitake asked. Mayuri sighed exasperated.

"_'cuase it's a killer, thriller toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!" Ukitake sang._

The Renji clones swooned. _One of them began to groom another. Then two began to ook. A moment later, the Renji clones were dashing about, screeching and swinging from rafters, landing with sickening crunches as they continued to swoon from high places._

"Fascinating," Mayuri muttered as he scribbled the outcome of Ukitake's thriller finale. Suddenly, Kyoraku fell to his knees.

"'cause it's killer, thriller toniiiiiiiiiiiight!"

The Renji clones paused. Crickets chirped. In the blink of an eye the hoard of clones pounced on the large pile of sake by the barrack doors. _They drank until they were swollen like balloons and began to roll around the barracks, some still ooking._

Meanwhile, in Hueco Mundo...

"I hate them!" Toshiro sobbed into the broad chest he'd buried his head in. The strong arms of his older brother, Grimmjow, hugging him close as he comforted the young captain. (their blood relation is being kept secret to protect them.)

"_There's a simple solution," Grimmjow said. "Just kill them. It's fun!"_

Toshiro looked up. "But...," the 10th captain sniffled. "I love them, brother!"

"_Ah, fine then," Grimmjow said. "Mom never wanted you to be evil anyway."_

"'s not my fault," Toshi sniffed. "Mom never wanted our older brother to be an ice dragon Zanpakto either," he pouted.

"_And I never wanted our father to be Severus Snape and our uncle L," Grimmjow said. "But that's how it is. The best thing to do is either join us and kill everyone who pressured you to sing the Thriller finale, or you can go back and fulfill your duty as Captain and just do the stupid solo."_

"But I don't wanna do the solooooo!"

"If it helps any, I can tell you that either choice will embarrass you about the same. We saw that video on this side of the sky, too, Li'l bro," Grimmjow grinned.

"_Aw crap" Toshiro disappeared._

"My work here is done," Grimmjow said with a nod as he saw his younger brother go. _Then he burped up a fish._

_~x~_I_~x~_Am_~x~_LineBreak!_~x~_Hear_~x~_Me_~x~_Rawr!_~x~_

Meanwhile, _Mayuri attempted the Thriller finale. The Renji clones began to dissect eachother with their toes. Rukia (having woken up from the horrible Kenpachi Cupid incident) tried, and the Renji clones began to hop around like rabbits. _Ikkaku Madarame dropped to his knees in a fit of passion and executed the thriller finale. All the clones did the lucky dance. _Yumichika tried with a fancyful twist of his elegant ballet, and the Renji __clones broke the windows with eachother's heads. _One by one all present soul reapers did the thriller finale while Mayuri took notes. Only Byakuya (now mostly sober) refused.

_By now the Renji clones were out of control. Having endured so many Thriller finales, they were now jumping, frothing, tearing, flipping, rolling, swinging, clawing, chewing, screaming, dragging,drinking, whining, convulsing wild animals that were loose within the 1st Company barracks. _Toshiro's eyes were wide as he took in the sight. Somehow he felt like laughing. But... he didn't, of course.

_Standing amid the chaos of Renji clones, Toshiro took a deep breath, clenched his fists, and, falling upon his knees in a fit of fiery passion blazing within his chest, he sang. "'Cause it's a Killer, Thriller, Toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiight!"_

All chaos abruptly ceased. After a few silent pauses the whole gathering of shinigami (and clones) clapped wildly. _Behind the crowd's back Byakuya bobbed his head and moon walked. He burped up a fish._

"Now!" Toshi yelled. Mayuri flicked his wrist and 'Whoom!' all 597 Renji clones were bound together.

"Hold on," the real Renji said. "597?"

"Three are missing," Byakuya appeared beside the real Renji.

_Toshiro crossed his arms, scowling. "These two idiot writers HAD to make this more difficult, didn't they."_

"Of course, Toshi!" Steph grinned. _Stephie took over the world._

"Huh?" the group looked around. "did you hear that?" A bound Renji clone turned to find the mysterious voice.

"I believe the fourth wall was temporarily non-existent," Mayuri explained, "Fascinating."

_Anyways... They split up to search for the missing Renji clones._

Meanwhile, in the inner dimensions beyond the fourth wall.

"the fourth wall is for saps ^,^"

"_Hehehehehehe. Let's make Mayuri eat Soi-fon and explode!"_

"I'd rather not. I want some candy."

"_And then make the world go Ka-blooie!" *~Boom~*_

"that only happens when Mayuri's drunk"

"_Drat. Little explosion?"_

"Alright. Little explosion. That's it. Even though we've already exploded a Renji clone."

"_He regenerated. Hehe. On with the story! (and explosions)"_

So...

"I found one!" Rukia yelled to the others. _She shoved her sword scabbard down to where the Renji clone had fallen. The poor thing was stuck between two barrack buildings, perhaps while running from rooftop to rooftop. _"Surrender your miserable soul," Rukia cackled evilly.

_Byakuya flash-stepped to her side. "Take the scabbard and we'll pull you up, you fool. Continue to resist capture and it'll go badly for you."_

the Renji clone's eyes widened and he nodded quickly, reaching for the offered scabbard. 'BOOM' The scabbard exploded. _The Renji Clone flew out into the air, carried by the explosion's force, and landed on top of Byakuya's head._

Byakuya growled. _The Renji clone fell off. _"oof" In about two seconds he was bound to the other 597 Renji clones.

"two left!" Urahara announced.

Meanwhile, _Kenpachi had the second Renji cornered. "_Muah ha ha ha ha!" The Renji clone cowered. A wide grin spread on Kenpachi's face. "Come on," he smiled warmly, "I won't hurt you."

_Timidly, the Renji clone inched forward. Suddenly Yachiru leaped onto his back, wrapping her little arms around his face and pulling back his lips like a horse's bridle. "But I will! Hehehe!"_

The Renji clone flailed. "Ahhhh!" he screamed in horror.

_Yachiru gallped him to the 1st barracks where he was willingly bound to the other 598 Renji Clones._

"_One left!" _Urahara shouted.

Around the corner Ikkaku and yumichika were engaged in a heated game of tag with the remaining Renji clone. _However, this clone, the only free one of all 600 Renjis, had escaped during Ukitake's Thriller solo. _"Dammit, I hate monkeys!" Ikkaku growled.

"swooning monkeys," yumichika groaned.

_The Renji clone, screeching and ooking, climbed to the high point of a building, and then swooned._

"**Yaoi!" **the last clone yelled, his voice echoing through Seireitei.

"Shut up!" Ikkaku shook a fist at the clone.

Yumichika scowled. "Enough! I'll kill you, Thank you very much!"

Ichigo popped into existence. _He tripped on a stick and popped back out_

_Yumichika held his arms out to the swooning Renji clone atop the tall building. "Come on now, nice little clone. Come to us."_

The clone shied away, crouching down and just barely peeking over the side of the building. His features set in a cute pout. "wh-where'd ichigo go?" he whined softly.

_Yumichika lowered his hands, surprised. "Ichigo? Why?"_

"Ichi promised to play with me," the clone answered shyly.

_Ikkaku's patience was fraying. "So he promised, out of 600 Renjis, to play with you?"_

"y-yes," the Renji clone cowered.

"Why?" Ikkaku raised an eyebrow. The clone hesitated. Suddenly, ichigo popped into existence beside the clone.

"Because he's different!" Ichigo said calmly as he pulled the clone to his feet and put an arm around his shoulder.

"_Oh?" Ikkaku said, resting his drawn sword upon his shoulder as he eyed them. "How so?"_

Ichigo ripped off the Renji clone's shirt. "see this?" He pointed at a particular part of the tattoo on the clone's chest. Ikkaku stared. Sure enough, in the spot ichigo was pointing to, there was a squiggle that wasn't supposed to be there.

_Yumichika frowned. "Yes...?"_

"Watch!" Ichigo grinned. Suddenly he poked the squiggle. 'Poof' the Renji clone disappeared. Ikkaku and yumichika's eyes widened. Ichigo grinned wider before 'Poof' he popped back out of existence.

_Ikkaku and Yumichika stood there in silence, gazing at where Ichigo and the different Renji clone disappeared. Then Ikkaku spoke. "The 599th Renji clone fell down a gutter and drowned. Agreed?"_

"_Agreed," Yumichika said._

Elsewhere...

The laughs of two shinigami echoed in the quiet void. "That was fun!" Ichigo laughed. The clone nodded.

"hey, guys, you can't be here! This is the inner dimensions of the fourth wall! Authors only!"

"_Yeah! Go explode or get back in the story!"_

Ichigo grinned as he threw an arm around the Renji clone's shoulders. "How about this? We'll go back if the two of you promise not to get rid of this guy and get Toshiro to do thriller again. If you do that I'll even go around soul society and explode some stuff. Deal?"

"_Hehe, Toshi... Fine. Steph?"_

"Deal! But..."

Ichigo opened his mouth to protest but he didn't get a chance.

"**Someone** here doesn't like Shounen-ai and such so NO molesting the Renji clone! Other than that, all's good. Now leave or there's no deal!"

Ichigo nodded once before pushing the swirl on the Renji clone's chest and popping out of existence.

_*~Boom~* "On with the story!"_

_~x~_I_~x~_Am_~x~_LineBreak!_~x~_Hear_~x~_Me_~x~_Rawr!_~x~_

_Ichigo popped into existence in the 1st barracks. Everyone was gathered there, relieved at containing all 599 Renjis (including the unfortunate original)._

"Here you go!" Steph announced as the last Renji clone suddenly became invisible so only ichigo could see him. Everyone looked around.

"did you hear something?" the others asked. Mayuri muttered something about the fourth wall again.

Ichigo looked up and whispered, "Thanks."

Steph smiled. "you're welcome."

Everyone shrugged. "So, the last Renji clone died," Ikkaku told them.

"_Oh darn," came the monotone response. _Ichigo hid a pleased smirk.

_Yamamoto gestured at the bound Renjis. "So how do we get rid of 599 Renjis?"_

"_Five hundred and ninety-**Eight**" the original shouted. _He was ignored.

_There were several suggestions among the Captains and Vice-Captains._

_"Burn them!"_

_"Sell them on Ebay!"_

_"Dump them into Hueco Mundo!"_

"Ooh! that's a good one!"

"which one?"

"the second one?"

"which one was that?"

"sell them on ebay!"

"No, Craigslist!"

" !"

Silence...

"How about both Ebay and Craigslist?"

"yeah! half and half"

"299 on Ebay and 299 on Craigslist!"

"aren't we missing one? that makes 598."

"I'm NOT a clone!"

"oh"

_Yamamoto raised his hand. "Stop!" I have made my decision."_

_A disco ball descended and the lights began rocking to loud music. "Dance Party!"_

Thriller began to thrum through the speakers. Ichigo smirked, knowing the Authors beyond the fourth wall were keeping their side of the deal.

_Toshiro couldn't take it. He just couldn't hold it in. As he crouched in a corner as everyone else rocked out to the catchy Michael Jackson, he could feel the years of locked away passion swelling and building up in his throat._

Every second the music blasted Toshi's soul burned with the desire to join the group of shinigami in the classic dance. He wanted to be a zombie too, Dammit!

_The end of the song was approaching. Oh how the passion grew! He clenched his fists and stared at the floor. He could do this. He could withstand the urge!_

"Too bad, Toshi, we control all! Muah ha ha ha!"

"_Hehe."_

Toshi glared at the empty space. "Stupid defective fourth wall," he muttered. "Authors should stay OUT of their storylines."

The song was nearing it's final lines and the soulful passion burst from the 10th company captain. He dashed across the floor, sliding on his knees to a stop in front of everyone as the song ended.

"It's a Killer, Thriller, Toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii iiiiiiiiiiiight!"

_Everyone clapped. Toshiro, embarrassed and angry at himself, slowly got to his feet. _Ichigo grinned and high-fived the invisible Renji clone. With a wink to the empty air at the Authors beyond the fourth wall, he snapped and 'BAM' the disco ball exploded. "A deal's a deal," he said as he sneaked away to explode more stuff. _Yay! *~Boom~*_

_Momo flounced up and wrapped her arms around Toshiro. "Aw, you're so awesome, Shiro-kun!"_

_Toshiro struggled from her grasp. "Don't call me that! It's Captain Hitsugaya to you!"_

"I thought the clones ate her," The Real Renji stated.

"So did I," Toshiro sighed, disappointed. _'POOF' She disappeared._

_Ikkaku suddenly had an idea. "I know what to do with the Renji clones!"_

Silence...

_Ikkaku burped up a fish. "I forgot." _Everyone sweatdropped. A few even fell to the ground in that cliché Anime style.

"It's been decided we sell them on Ebay-slash-Craigslist," yamamoto stated.

_Nanao raised a finger. "What about Amazon? We could sell them in bulk."_

"Darn it, I hate math," Kyoraku mumbled.

"hold on," Rukia said. "What if we sell 450 individual Renjis on E-bay and Craigslist and sell the other 148 on Amazon, that way more people will buy them!" Everyone nodded.

Suddenly, explosion sounds echoed throughout SeiReiTei from all directions.

"What was that?" the real Renji yelled.

Meanwhile...

"Oops," Ichigo cringed. "My bad."

"_Don't worry," the invisible Renji clone said. "The 10th company barracks aren't important."_

_Meanwhile..._

Byakuya twitched. "My 'Ichigo-Kurosaki-did-something-stupid' sense is tingling." Everyone groaned.

"Iiichiiiiigooooooo!" Rukia screeched.

_Toshiro twitched. "My 'Ichigo-Kurosaki-totally-destroyed-my-company's-barracks-and-is-passing-it-off-as-unimportant' sense is tingling._

_Silence. Toshiro folded his arms in his wide sleeves smugly. "And yes. There is such a sense." _No one could think of anything to say.

Meanwhile...

"Ichi!" the invisible Renji clone appeared beside Ichigo, who was running towards another explodable destination.

"what's up?" he asked, still running. The clone pounced on his back and held on tight. He hugged ichigo.

"My 'everyone's-totally-gonna-kill-Ichi-cuz-they-sense-he-did-something-bad' sense is tingling," he whimpered.

_Ichigo's run slowed to a painful stagger. "And my 'back-is-going-to-snap-because-of-heavy-piggyback-rides' sense is tingling!"_

The clone hugged ichigo tighter before dropping down. "No fair," he pouted. "and that's not a sense." He stuck out his tongue.

"_What kind of insane story are these authors putting me through," muttered Ichigo as he continued his trek across Soul Society, the Renji clone close at his heels like a happy puppy._

A loud pounding of footsteps echoed from the direction Ichigo was headed. Ichigo froze.

"Ah snap! Renji clone, Shirt! Off!" Ichigo shouted. Immediately the clone was off with his shirt. Ichigo jabbed a finger at the swirl on the Renji clone's chest and 'POOF' he vanished. A second later, Ichigo, too, popped out of existence.

"Dammit! He's gone!" Renji shouted.

_Toshiro gazed wordlessly at the ruins of his Company's barracks. _"Nooooooooooooo!" he sank, devastated, to his knees. Tears flooded his vision. "I-It's gone! N-no No, It c-can't be gone!" His anguished wails echoed through soul society.

**===Should have ended here :\**

Meanwhile, beyond the fourth wall.

"Ichigo! you're not supposed to be here!"

Ichigo just stared, the Renji clone hugging his arm. "Hey, I kept my deal, you kept yours. Doesn't mean I can't come back here."

"_Ichigo... you destroyed 10th company barracks... the barracks under Toshiro's command... my favorite character..." Stephie began to froth at the mouth._

"oh no... My 'Stephie's-gonna-lose-it-and-is-totally-Psycho' sense is tingling! Ichigo, go! get out of here! Save yourseeeeelf!" Steph's voice faded.

Ichigo and the Renji clone disappeared.

_*****~Boom~*** "RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" ***~Boom~*****_

_The fourth wall crumbled._

"Stephiiiiiieeee!" Steph screamed. "you exploded the fourth wall!"

Stephie grinned evilly. _"Whoopsie."_

Meanwhile…

Toshiro's hunched form wavered for a few seconds before 'Poof' he disappeared.

"huh?" the other's tilted their heads, confused. Ukitake looked up. Suddenly, there was a loud 'BOOM'.

"The fourth wall's collapsing!" Ukitake warned.

_Toshiro appeared again, floating aimlessly above their heads. "Help... me…"_

A strong hand reached out of a crack in the sky and pulled Toshiro in. "what's up, Li'l' bro?"

"_Grimmjow!" Toshiro exclaimed, embracing his older brother._

Back on the ground in soul society…

Everyone gaped.

"Um… hello, guys!" Steph smiled.

_Stephie bared her fangs. "Nya ha ha ha!"_

_Kenpachi flew across the sky in his cupid attire, strumming his harp. "I love you aaallllllllll!"_

"You did that on purpose, Stephie!" Steph yelled with a traumatized shiver. Everyone cringed. Steph scowled. "Damn, lucky Renji clones are still all bound and knocked out in first company's barracks."

"_Not for long!" Stephie giggled happily. "I released them! Hehehe!"_

_Renji clones began to pour out of first company barracks like a raging red river._

"Nooooooooooo!" Steph yelled. "Dammit, Stephie!"

Meanwhile, in Hueco Mundo…

"That's interesting," Aizen mused. "It seems those two incompetent authors have utterly destroyed the fourth wall."

"_Ooh," Gin said. "So technically, we are no longer under the control of a writer's will."_

"Technically, yes…" Aizen pondered.

"Actually," Ulquiorra stood before gin and Aizen. "If no on were writing the story, we would be frozen in place until someone started writing again. The fact that I'm actually explaining this is proof that someone IS writing."

"Oh," gin said.

Meanwhile…

"Well, it's a good thing there's a fifth wall or we'd be stuck in this story doing absolutely nothing for eternity," Steph sighed.

_Stephi stopped stacking explosives against the fifth wall to look up in surprise. "You mean this wall is __**important**__?!"_

Steph stared in wide-eyed horror. "Who the hell is writing our story! What is he? **Stupid**!? Stephie, go explode something else! We NEED the fifth wall intact!" Steph yelled, anger flaring. She threw some gobstoppers. _Stephie gathered them up and went to drug herself in their yummy gobstopper goodness._

_But one gobstopper, a shiny red one, escaped from her hands and bounced once, twice, and then over the fifth wall to fall down, down, and down some more to the illustrated world below._

"_OW!" the real Renji gripped his head. "What hit me?"_

The mysterious man sitting beside the redhead looked away from his computer screen at Renji. His eyes traveled to the small red orb on the ground. "Looks like the preferred drug of one idiot author called Stephie. It's a gobstopper."

_Renji picked it up and put it in his mouth. Ichigo popped into existence beside the sexy man. "Who are you?"_

"wouldn't you like to know," the man smiled as his deep sexy voice echoed in the void of the space beyond the fifth wall.

_Renji blinked and turned around. "Dang, that's sexy." _Ichigo could only nod in dazed agreement. The mysterious guy turned back to his computer.

"On with the story! _Sexily!"_

_~x~_I_~x~_Am_~x~_LineBreak!_~x~_Hear_~x~_Me_~x~_Rawr!_~x~_

Meanwhile, the temporarily forgotten Toshiro sat on Grimmjow's bed in the large castle in Hueco Mundo. _They were munching kettle corn (salted) and were enjoying The Hunchback of Notre Dame._

"_Yeah!" Grimmjow screamed at the tv. "Cut Frollo's head off!"_

Toshiro laughed (more giggled but we'll let him keep some pride). Grimmjow punched him playfully. "See? Killing's fun, Li'l' bro! It's good for you!"

_Toshiro sighed. "I guess I should get back to soul society. Who knows what happened in the last two pages."_

"Lots of people know," Grimmjow grinned. "Like Emo #4."

Suddenly, Ulquiorra stood menacingly before Grimmjow. "DO. NOT. Call me THAT!" he warned. Grimmjow just grinned wider.

"U-um… Uncle Ulqui?" Toshiro called softly from the bed. Ulquiorra looked over at him. "what's happened in the last two pages of the story? I left when my company barracks e-exploded," he finished, trying not to cry over his lost barracks.

"_Hmm," Ulquiorra mused. "The barracks of an entire company belonging to my most hated enemies suddenly burst into a giant heap of crumbling death! How terrible!"_

"I hate you , too," Toshiro pouted. "so what happened the last two pages?"

"_**DEATH! DESTRUCTION! DRUGS! RAPE!"**__Ulquiorra screamed. He threw up his arms and hurled himself out the window. __**"BETRAYAL! PORNOGRAPHY! SEXY MEN ON COMPUTERS! BUNNIES! HAHAHAHAHA!"**_

_His voice faded out as he fell. _Toshiro stood, horrified.

Grimmjow stared out the window as Ulqui continued freefalling the long way down. "He forgot sex…"

Toshi could only gape. A thud sounded followed by an echoed "I'm okay" and Toshiro could take no more.

"I'm leaving," he growled, extremely serious, and 'POOF' he was gone.

_Toshiro reappeared alongside Ukitake. The thirteenth company captain blinked and looked down at his fellow Shiro. "Oh, captain Hitsugaya! There you are!"_

Toshiro cleared his throat and patted the front of his uniform to shake off any trace of sand from Hueco Mundo. "Yes," he answered. "I came to make sure everything was alright. I heard some…," he shuddered slightly. "…interesting stuff happened while I was gone."

_Ukitake stroked his chin. "Well… the fourth wall broke and all reality is now twisted up into a confusing array of fantasy and nonsense."_

Toshiro just nodded, not quite believing it. suddenly a crazed author, high on gobstoppers, ran across the street in Toshi's line of sight. "…"

_Kenpachi flew overhead, playing a sweet melody on his harp and fluttering his eyelids. "I love you allllllllllllllll!"_

_Toshi felt his eyes burning at the horrifying sight. "I believe you."_

_Ukitake shaded his eyes to watch Kenpachi's receeding figure. "Oh, no. He's been doing that before."_

Toshiro stared, wide eyed. "Who the hell is writing this story?! Is no one SANE anymore? Are big brother and I the only even remotely normal…ish people in this story?!"

_Ukitake donned his cowboy hat. "Dunno. All I can think of right now is how much I love Kiwis." He mounted his trusty elephant and lumbered into the sunset. "Adios, chico!"_

Toshiro nearly died of shame. How much more embarrassing could this story get? _Suddenly he realized that he forgot his pants. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"_

Steph popped into existence. "Stephie! You're being so mean to poor Toshi-kun!" she yelled as she handed Toshi an awesome new punk-style outfit. "He's your favorite character!"

_Stephie swung from the clouds in a swing made of marshmallows. "okay, okay." She looked at Toshi's new oufit. "Don't give him a shirt. Just a jacket."_

"It's a sexy sleeveless vest, Stephie, no shirt, and tight leather pants."

_Stephie, already high on gobstoppers, fell from her swing and crashed to the ground, foaming at the mouth to mingle with her nosebleed._

"It's a miracle she isn't dead," Byakuya was suddenly standing beside Steph. She glomped him. _He burped up a fish._

Meanwhile, beyond the fifth wall…

"okay this story's going nowhere," the real Renji said. The invisible Renji clone nodded. Ichigo turned to look at the mysterious man typing.

"So… are you gonna give this story at least **some** order? It's pure chaos," Ichi asked.

_The mysterious man held up a finger. "Ah, but perhaps the pure chaos is but a key in a totally awesome and overly complex plot."_

Ichigo and the two Renjis stared in a daze for a few seconds as the man's sexy voice rang in the void. Ichigo shook himself out of it.

"well, hurry up with the plot then"

The mysterious, sexy man chuckled lightly. "of course," he replied as he returned to his typing.

"hey," the real Renji finally snapped out of it.

"yeeessss?" the sexy voice drawled.

"why aren't you wearing a shirt?"

The sexy man smiled. "wouldn't you like to know?"

Ichigo turned away. "Damn, that's HOT."

Meanwhile… _Toshiro, standing in the midst of soul society in chaos, pulled at his new outfit self-consciously. "For Chappy's sake! This is page twenty-three and all the author's have accomplished is killing an innocent tree and wasting valuable pencil lead. Where the heck is this story going?!"_

"Toshiiiiiiiiiiii!" Soi-fon ran into the area and glomped him. "What's up with the sexy outfit?"

_Toshiro, bent double under her weight, looked into her blotched face in alarm. "Soi-fon, you're drunk!"_

She giggled. "I know."

Toshi groaned.

"Soi-fooooooon," Yoruichi's voice called from around a corner. "Where'd you go?"

_Toshiro, trapped in Soi-fon's embrace, could only stand there in his sexy outfit as Yoruichi stumbled up. She hiccupped and wildly gestured at Toshiro with a half empty sake bottle. "Now __**That**__ is a sexy outfit."_

Toshiro groaned. "That damn author," he grumbled.

"Hitsugaya, would you…" Ukitake trailed off when he saw Toshiro standing there. "wow that's a sexy outfit!"

_Soi-fon, finally overcome with alcohol, dribbled off of Toshiro onto the ground, where she curled up and muttered a string of colors and the alphabet. Toshiro, finally freed, dodged Yoruichi's arms and hid behind Ukitake. "Let's get out of here. Where are the others?"_

"drinking party. Sixth company barracks," Ukitake answered.

_Kenpachi fluttered by, singing 'I'm a little teapot'. "And I already know where Kenpachi is," Toshiro observed _with a shudder.

"Wanna come?" Ukitake invited. (ok that was unintentional ^_^' )

"_To a sake party? Me?" Toshiro inquired. "To hang out with drunk old men and put up with the ladies drooling over my sexy outfit while I could be finding the solution to this out-of-control situation?"_

"yup," Ukitake grinned.

"Ok!" Toshi smiled a little and followed the thirteenth captain to Byakuya's barracks.

Meanwhile, _still sexy and shirtless, the mysterious man typed away at this computer._

"Ichiiiii," the invisible Renji clone whined. Ichigo turned to him. The real Renji was confused.

"That was my voice…"

"Huh?" Ichigo looked at the real Renji. "Oh. No, that's this guy." He clarified as the invisible Renji clone became visible.

"_OMG," Renji pointed. "It's another me again!"_

"_Yay!" The Renji clone cried, leaping onto the original. "Another me!" _Ichigo pried the clone from the real Renji.

"don't do that!" he scolded, a bit jealous.

"Sorry, Ichi. don't be mad," the clone pouted. "I still love you."

Ichigo smiled. "'s okay," he said, throwing an arm over the clone's shoulders. Renji was shocked and confused. The sexy mysterious man chuckled softly. _The Renji clone burped up a fish._

_Meanwhile…Toshiro stood amid the madness resulted from the collision of powerful shinigami and alcohol. Yamamoto sat on the one remaining intact table, staring off into space, while Kyôraku chewed on the edge of his captain-general's cloak. Soi-fon and Yoruichi were missing (coughbackroomcough) and Komamaru was embracing his inner nature on Mayuri's leg, who was piling the empty sake bottles into the shape of a flower. Ikkaku and Yumichika were crouched in a corner, stabbing each other with forks. Unohana was tying her braid into knots._

_Urahara, blinking and holding his head at a funny angle, tripped up to Toshiro and offered the young captain his hat, which was filled to the brim with sake. "Wanna drink from my hat?"_

"uh…no," Toshiro declined flatly. He stared at the mayhem that surrounded him. "does Byakuya know what you're doing to his barracks?" he asked everyone in general.

_Suddenly, Toshiro felt something drip on his head. Not quite sure if he wanted to know, he patted his hair and came away with strands of saliva clinging to his fingers. Toshiro looked up. "Oh my gosh! Byakuya!"_

_Byakuya slurped up his drool and grinned down at the horrified captain. "Heh heh. 'Sup?"_

_Toshiro moved back to get a better look at him. "H-how are you staying up there?"_

_Byakuya, spread eagle on the ceiling, rolled his head from side to side. "Dunno. Woke up 'n' I was here!"_

Toshiro nodded in disbelief and turned around. He was out of there in seconds.

Meanwhile in hueco mundo…

"What?!" grimmjow roared. Aizen grinned.

"It seems your uncle L is dead," he repeated. "and he's left you, and that annoying younger brother I pretend to know nothing about, a large mansion in Karakura town."

"_Hell yeah!" Grimmjow said. "A mansion. That's freakin' awesome!"_

"Brother!"

Grimmjow, Aizen, and the ever-present Ulquiorra turned.

"How can you be happy? Uncle L is dead!" Toshiro yelled as he stood in the large oversized doorway. They only stared. After a few long seconds of thought Toshi smiled. "Did you say a mansion?"

"_Hell yeah!"_

Meanwhile, _Ichigo peered over the sexy mysterious man's shoulder as he typed. "So you're the one who's writing this story? You control everything?"_

"That's correct," the man confirmed in his rich, deep voice. "I, who was appointed guardian of the story should anything happen to the fourth wall, am in charge of making sure this story continues." He finished, tucking a stray lock of fine black hair behind one ear in a sexy manner, still shirtless.

"_The ones who appointed you have good taste," Renji commented._

"of course," the sexy man chuckled as he returned to his typing.

"_Can you give me wings?" the Renji clone said excitedly. "And a puppy? And a third eye! I've always wanted three eyes!"_

"Unfortunately, no. I'm programmed not to alter any already existing characters beyond changing their personalities. Besides," he winked at the clone, "you're already perfect."

_Blood burst from the Renji clone's nose and he passed out in a swoon. The real Renji stood over him, furious. "Get up, you idiot! You're making me look stupid!"_

Ichigo silently fumed, jealous. "you **are** stupid!" he yelled. He angrily stomped away, out of existence, leaving the clone behind. "I need some sake," he grumbled. _On his way out, he belched up a fish and kicked it._

_Ichigo opened the door to the sixth company barracks. _He paused at the chaos around him. _"O- Oh my."_

_Byakuya, all but one arm still plastered to the ceiling, looked at him as he dangled a piñata Aizen down for the others to hit. _Ichigo just shook his head and made his way over to the immeasurable amount of sake in the corner of the room.

"woof, yip"

Ichigo looked around. "huh?"

Suddenly, a cute little puppy was at his feet staring up at him with adorable puppy-dog eyes. "Awwwww!" he cuddled the puppy. Then he had an idea. He popped out of existence. The Aizen piñata burst open and gobstoppers poured out everywhere.

"Woo hoo!" Byakuya yelled.

_~x~_I_~x~_Am_~x~_LineBreak!_~x~_Hear_~x~_Me_~x~_Rawr!_~x~_

"_Oh Renji," Ichigo cooed as he popped back into existence by the mysterious man's computer. "I've got something for you, my beauty… my good friend."_

The Renji clone turned. "What is…" he trailed off when he spotted the fluffy little animal in Ichigo's arms. "Ichi!" he breathed, eyes glowing. "It's a puppy!"

"And he's yours," Ichigo smiled, handing it to the clone. The real Renji stared, shocked and disturbed.

'I'd never act like that,' he thought. _He felt a nibble on his pantleg and looked down. A cute little bunny blinked up at him. Renji let out an earsplitting squeal. "Eeeeeeee! Bunny!" _Thankfully no one cared that he'd just squealed like a fangirl. He picked up the bunny and headed for the door in the far corner of the void beyond the fifth wall that had a blinking exit sign above it. "Now to find Rukia."

_Renji, not having existence popping like Ichigo, had to walk to the sixth company barracks. When he got there, the entire building was pulsating music and there were screams and shouting within. 'Strange', Renji thought. And then he opened the door._

The force of the high voltage music knocked Renji back and the bright disco lights blinded him. Techno music rang in his ears. He fought his way back into the barracks. "Does captain know what's going on?"

"_**RENJI! UP HERE, DAWG!"**_

_Renji touched his chest to make sure his heart was still beating. _He couldn't move. Horror froze him to the spot. With a traumatized expression he ran from the barracks.

"Oof!" he bumped into something. He looked down. "T- Captain Toshiro!"

_Toshiro looked up at him blankly, wiggled his finger in his ear, and inquired loudly, "What?" _He looked closer and saw Renji's horrified expression. "Oh." Then he saw the cute white bunny in Renji's arms. "…what's with the bunny?"

"_What?" Renji asked._

"_The bunny!" Toshiro said, increasing his tone. "Why are you holding a rabbit?"_

_Renji held it up. "It's for Rukia."_

"_What?"_

_Renji lowered the rabbit. "What?"_

_Toshiro held a hand to his ear. "What did you say before?"_

_Renji leaned closer. "What are you talking about?"_

"_I'm asking what you said before!"_

"_What?"_

"_What?"_

_They stopped._

"Damn techno music!" they both yelled. Renji stomped away from the pounding barracks. Toshiro followed.

"_Seriously, what's with the rabbit?"_

"_What?"_

_Elsewhere, the clone Renji shared a vanilla ice cream cone with his new puppy. _"you're such a good boy, Ichi-Nii!"

Ichigo sighed. "you named the puppy Ichi-Nii?"

"yup!" the clone beamed. _"Because he's always itchy." The puppy scratched his ear and then bounded into the Renji clone's arms. The Renji clone absent-mindedly scratched his cheek as he cuddled Ichi-nii. _Ichigo laughed. _Then he too began to itch._

Meanwhile, Byakuya stood on a tall hill overlooking his barracks. "My head…" he groaned. The sun was rising. Everyone was sprawled across the floors of his barracks. _Except Toshiro. He was sitting. _He grinned, playing with the video camera he was holding.

"Muah ha ha! payback's a bitch!"

_Matsumoto sat up slowly, rubbing her head. "Why do I recall beating Aizen and pulling candy from his mutilated remains?"_

_Ikkaku and Yumichika were trying to work out why they had forks in their brains _and how they managed to still be alive without brain damage.

Toshiro sneaked out of the barracks. "**This** is going on my blog," he smiled. _"And __**I**__, not Ukitake, invented the blog."_

Meanwhile, _the Renji clone and Ichigo were now infested with fleas. "Aaaagh!" the clone cried._

The sexy man sighed. With a few clicks of the keyboard the fleas became nonexistent. _(And popped up on earth in Ichigo's father's hair, but this tale is long and pointless enough, so let's just say that that's another story.) Ichigo stopped scratching and sighed in relief. "Aaaah… that's better." He belched up a fish._

Elsewhere…

Isshin Kurosaki scratched his head.

Meanwhile, Toshiro walked through the hidden door of the fifth wall and grumbled something about only being able to pop into existence in hueco mundo as he walked over to the computer where the sexy man sat typing.

_The sexy man looked up as Toshiro approached. "Okay, Mr. Sexy-computer-man, you and I need to have a talk," Toshiro said as he gestured around them. "The plot ended on page seventeen! This is page thirty. Don't you think it's about time to stop?"_

The man looked up, his black bangs falling to the side of his face elegantly, his lips parted sexily.

'Damn! That's hot!' Toshiro thought, struggling not to faint from the sexiness.

"Unfortunately, Shiro-kun, I can't. Because as much as I might wish to, the idiots beyond the sixth wall won't quit writing," his sexy voice rang in the void of the fifth wall.

"_Well, tell them to stop-" Toshiro stopped and blinked. Then he blinked again. "S… sixth…wall?"_

The very sexy, shirtless man nodded. "you see, the two rampant authors that had exploded the fourth wall are actually clones of the two authors beyond the sixth wall. Those two are the ones who appointed me to be in charge of the fifth wall and keep tabs on their clones. Which reminds me…" he trailed off.

_Toshiro looked up through the clean, white paper, past the scrawled graphite letters jailing him in, and stared into the face bent over his world. "That's … creepy. Oh my gosh! Whatever I say appears! Stop! Stop that! That's creepy." He fell silent. "Even my actions are written down!" he turned to the sexy man. "Look! That was written down too! Mr. Sexy man, make it stop!" he looked back up. "Gah! Everything's there!"_

The sexy man chuckled. "Just ignore it," he breathed in his deep, sensual voice. "I do."

Meanwhile, _Byakuya belched, but no fish came out. Yoruichi stood up from where she was draped across Soi-fon. "What happened? Why do I feel so out of character?"_

_Soi-fon, dazed and disheveled, tried to sniff up the blood pouring from her nose. "Yoruichi…"_

yoruichi patted Soi-fon's head and started singing a lullaby while soi-fon drifted back to sleep.

_Byakuya sneezed up a starfish._

_~x~_I_~x~_Am_~x~_LineBreak!_~x~_Hear_~x~_Me_~x~_Rawr!_~x~_

_Meanwhile…_

Toshiro sighed, finally accepting the only choice he had and ignored the words appearing above his head.

"Hi, Toshi!"

Or so he thought. He yelled in frustration and shuddered, thoroughly creeped as he read the written greeting.

"_I'm going to rape you, Toshi."_

_Toshiro froze. _A cold sweat broke across his forehead and the world became black. Toshiro fainted.

"STEPHIE!" Steph (the real one) roared. "Stop that! Leave poor Toshi alone!"

_Stephie (the real one) stuffed candy in her mouth. "Shut up, slave. If he can stand being mauled every other manga, he can stand a little trauma."_

The real Steph sighed. "Now we've gotta erase his memories! That traumatized even ME!"

"_wimp."_

_~*- BOOM! -*~_

_Toshiro sat up, groggy. "Ow… what happened?"_

Ichigo (who'd seen the whole thing) helped Toshi up. "Nothing. You just kinda passed out." He took the video camera Toshiro was still holding. "what's this?"

Toshiro shrugged. "Drinking Party. Putting it on my blog."

_Ichigo burst in admiration. "You have a blog?"_

_Toshiro shined. "I __**invented**__ the blog."_

The sexy man chuckled. "or so he says…" he mumbled in a whisper.

Toshiro huffed, crossing his arms.

_The sexy man turned back to his computer. "But Ukitake didn't invent it either."_

"_Then who did?" Ichigo asked._

"_I did," replied the sexy man, _his deep smooth voice echoing in the void.

_Silence. "DAMN that is__** so**__ hot!" Ichigo said._

Meanwhile, in Hueco Mundo.

"gin?" Grimmjow walked into gin's room.

"yes?" gin answered. Suddenly grimmjow paused, looking up.

"_Why isn't your name capitilized?"_

gin looked up, reading as words appeared overhead. He quirked an eyebrow. "Steph doesn't like capitalizing," he shrugged.

"_And apparently Stephie can't spell 'capitilized'," Grimmjow said. He pointed up. "See?"_

gin laughed. "yes, I see." He smiled.

"anyway, gin, Lord Aizen is calling for us."

_Gin, a little irked, watched the words appear over their world. "Why is 'Lord Aizen' capitalized and not me?"_

Steph sighed. "Because, gin," Steph's clone that had come from the fourth wall and was now in the world of bleach said suddenly from behind them. they turned, surprised. "Steph Number One only capitalizes certain letters. That's just the way She writes." the Steph clone smiled. "If you read through the full story you can probably find out which letters they are."

_Silence. "Ooh," Grimmjow said. "Burned."_

Gin just sighed. Then he looked up. "Oh! You capitalized my name!"

"So I did," Steph smiled.

_(Missing _Pages _33 _and _34 _For _Some _Reason. I Hate That!)

"_Yay! A new page!"_

"where'd that come from?" grimmjow suddenly asked, walking into the room. Aizen and Ulqui shrugged. _Grimmjow looked up and almost screamed in frustration."Gah! Now she's not capitalizing __**my**__ name!"_

_Gin popped up. "Ha!" He popped back out._

_Grimmjow, recovering his composure, cleared his throat and turned to Aizen. "you called for me, master?"_

"no," Aizen said. "I didn't. I only asked Ulquiorra to find you."

"Oh," Grimmjow frowned. He looked up. "Yes! My name's capitalized!"

"_Grimmjow," Aizen said. "I need you to go to the land of the living for a special mission I have in mind."_

"You make it sound like we're dead," Grimmjow laughed then paused. "wait. we are dead… sort of." He shrugged. Ulquiorra rolled his eyes and sighed.

"So what's the mission?" Grimmjow asked. "is Ulquiorra going?"

"_No…" Aizen said. "Ulquiorra is just here to keep me company."_

"_Why," said Grimmjow, mystified._

"_I… get lonely," Aizen whispered._

_Silence. _Ulquiorra's eyes widened.

"I-Is that all I am to you?" he asked in a hurt voice. "Just some presence that's always there? Some person you can take for granted?!"

"What?" Aizen asked, surprised. "No! of course not! That's not what-"

"Lies! You only want me for my company!" he yelled.

"_No! No! I didn't mean it that way!" aizen pleaded. He looked up. "Dang it! Now it's __**my**__ name that's not capitalized!"_

"_Company!" Ulquiorra wailed. "I'm just a little miserable company!"_

"_Ulquiorra," Aizen said, bounding down and taking the espada's hand. "Out of all the hollows and arrancars and creepy right-hand men I have, I chose __**you**__ to keep me company because I __**enjoy**__ your presence."_

Ulquiorra gazed into Aizen's eyes.

"Aizen," he sighed.

"Ulquiorra" Aizen also sighed.

"Aizen"

"Ulquiorra"

"Aizen"

"Ulquiorra"

"_Grimmjow!" Grimmjow said, popping up between them. _He was ignored. "Dammit," he muttered, kicking the floor lightly. _Irritated and frustrated that his name wasn't said lovingly by another, Grimmjow began to leave._

"No, Grimmjow, wait," Ulquiorrra turned suddenly and grabbed his sleeve. "I…"

"_Are we done with the little love confessions already?" Grimmjow snapped, upset that ulquiorra did not say his name tenderly. "what's Aizen's mission for me? Keep Gin company?!"_

"…" Ulquiorra was speechless. Aizen cleared his throat.

"actually…" Aizen began. Grimmjow's face stayed emotionless. "He's going with you." Grimmjow's expression softened.

"Oh," he shrugged. "Okay. Um… what for?"

"_To keep __**YOU**__ company, Mr. Grimmjow," gin said, appearing behind the arrancar._ Grimmjow nearly jumped. He turned to see gin and smiled.

"your name's not capitalized," He said.

"Darn!" gin mumbled quietly.

_Gin._

_Gin looked up. "Now it is!"_

"that's because Stephie was the one writing it," Grimmjow grinned. gin sighed.

"whatever. So what's the mission?" gin changed the subject.

_Aizen opened his mouth. Everyone present tensed. Then, with a clueless blink, Aizen scratched his head. "I forgot."_ Everyone sweatdropped.

"just go do something productive in the human world," Aizen finally sighed out. He had a headache for some reason.

"_Productive?" Grimmjow said. "I only know how to destroy!"_

"Just leave," Aizen roared.

"_Fine!" Grimmjow shouted back. He turned on his heel and stomped out. "Gosh."_

_Gin, retaining his mocking smile, followed casually. He coughed up a fish._

Meanwhile, …_Renji approached the sexy man's computer, still holding the cute bunny. There, he saw that the sexy man was no longer on the computer, but it was now being used by Toshiro. Not shirtless, but still downright sexy._

"We're about to need a new page," the Renji clone that hasn't said anything in a while whispered to the sexy man as he watched Toshi work.

_New page._

_Toshi triumphantly clicked a couple times, and then sat back with a smug smile. "There. It's on my blog now."_

"Yaaaaaaaayyyyy!" the Renji clone yelled, screaming and running in circles with ichi-nii running after him. _He stepped in a pothole and fell._

"_Let's see how Kyoraku and Ukitake like it when someone films __t__**hem**__!" Toshiro said, watching the number of views rise._

"what was that?" Kyôraku suddenly wandered in drunkenly.

"_Nothing," Toshiro said quickly, clicking off his blog. "How'd you get here in that state?"_

"…I have no clue," Kyôraku slurred. "um … where am I?"

_Yamamoto suddenly rose up from the ground as clouds flooded the soul society streets and musicians and background singers materialized with a rising note. The old man whipped out a microphone. "You're in the house!" he pointed to Byakuya, who was on lead guitar. "Hit it!"_

Byakuya ripped out a screaming note as yumichika came up from the floor on a rotating platform and tapped his drumsticks together.

"1, 2, 3, 4," yumichika called as he began playing the rhythm on drums. Rock thrummed through the dark void of the fifth wall.

_Ikkaku strummed it out on the violin. Unohana's fingers flew across the keyboard. Kenpachi, finally back to earth, rocked on the triangle. Yamamoto, jumping about the cloud stage, screamed into the microphone. _Ukitake rocked out on bass guitar while Rukia played flute and Kyôraku, amazingly, played perfect trumpet while drunk. _Komamaru played a giant cello and Soi-fon hit the wild high notes with her awesome piccolo. Mayuri, rising up dramatically from behind everyone on an enormous organ, struck the keys in a flurry of booming music, accompanied by flickers of electricity._

Suddenly, streamers and lights flew up and smoke cleared as up rose a platform with 599 Renji clones all dressed in black choir robes, swaying to the beat of the music and clapping like a large church choir.

Stephie (the clone) ran around in circles planting random exploding fireworks and Steph (the clone) jumped up on stage to play a guitar duet with Byakuya! ^.^

_Ichigo, his special Renji clone, the original Renji, and Urahara, overcome with excitement to rock with fellow shinigami, all grabbed microphones to join the captain-general in the song. _yoruichi pranced around in cat form on the keyboard and accompanied unohana. Toshiro ran onto the stage in a fit of passion and stage dove into the crowd of spectating mod souls that just happened to be there. The crowd and Matsumoto went wild.

In the far corner, unknown to all, stood Aizen, Ulquiorra, gin (name not capitalized), and Grimmjow rockin' out to the wild shinigami band/orchestra rock musical thing. Totally Awesome!

Meanwhile, in the corner of the void sitting at the computer, still shirtless, and trying to ignore all the noise, the mysterious and extremely sexy man typed, a vein on his head throbbing.

Finally with the anger becoming too much he stood fluidly, sparkling, beads of sweat glistening sexily in the light on his smooth toned chest. He swung his long raven colored bangs from his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh. Taking a deep breath he yelled.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS EVERYONE DOING IN THE VOID OF THE FIFTH WALL?!" His sexy voice rang as the noise ceased.

"Can I join?" he grinned sexily and the music roared once more.

_Toshiro, hair disheveled and punk clothes torn from his stage dive, managed to disentangle himself from the screaming fans and stumbled a distance away from the roaring chaos. Pissed at this incapability to control himself in his fits of passion, he straightened himself up as much as possible and regained his impassive captain scowl. "This has officially been the craziest, stupidest, and most pointless day in my entire life."_

_Toshiro walked up. "I'm glad this horrible story is coming to an end."_

_Toshiro huffed. "Tell me about it."_

_Toshiro, sipping a cup of tea, waved to them from some distance away. "Hey, Toshiros, you wanna get some pizza with Toshiro and I?"_

_Toshiro walked up. "What are we doing?"_

_Toshiro turned to him. "We're getting pizza with Toshiro. Wanna come?"_

"_Sure, Toshiro. But we gotta tell Toshiro to come to,." Toshiro said as he and the Toshiros walked away, leaving the rocking soul society and one crazy story behind._

_He burped up a fish._

_**THE END**  
_…for now

**AN: **So! I hope y'all liked it cuz it was way fun for us to write~ If anyone catches any unintentional typos please let me know. Of course, there's some intentional ones in there but that's for the story's sake. Stephie and I thank you for reading! And the Mysterious Sexy Man does, too!


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